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Men are just happier people -- what do you expect from such simple creatures?
男人比較快樂—你對於這種簡單生物還有什麼好期待的？

Your last name stays put.
你的姓不會改。
The garage is all yours.
車庫都是你的。
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
結婚大小事與你無關。
Chocolate is just another snack.
巧克力只是另一種零食。
You can be President.
你可以選總統。
You can never be pregnant.
你不會懷孕。
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
你可以穿白T恤去水上樂園。
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
你也可以打赤膊去水上樂園。
Car Mechanics tell you the truth.
汽車維修人員會對你說實話。
The world is your urinal.
全世界都是你的尿盆。
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
你不必開車到下個加油站，只因為這家廁所很噁心。
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
你不必想就知道螺帽要往哪個方向轉。
Same work, more pay.
同樣工作，薪資更高。
Wrinkles add character.
皺紋會增加你的魅力。
Wedding dress, $5000. Tux rental, $100.
女生的結婚禮服，得花美金5000元去買；男生的結婚燕尾服，用美金100元即可租到。
People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.
別人跟你講話時永遠不會盯著你的胸部看。
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
偶而打個響嗝是可以被接受的。
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
新鞋不會磨腳或讓你起水泡。
One mood all the time.
永遠是一種心情。
Phone conservations are over in 30 seconds flat.
講電話永遠不會超過30秒。
You know stuff about tanks.
對於坦克多多少少懂一些。
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
五天假期只需要一個手提箱。
You can open all of your own jars.
可以自己打開所有瓶瓶罐罐。
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
同樣一點點體貼的作為，你來做會更有價值。
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
如果有人忘記邀請你，你還是可以跟他當朋友。
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
內褲三件一包只要美金8塊95。
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
三雙鞋已經非常夠穿。
You almost never have strap problems in public.
忘記繫皮帶也可以上街。
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
對衣服上的皺紋視而不見。
Everything on your face stays its original color.
臉上不會五顏六色。
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades.
髮型數十年如一日。
You only have to shave your face and neck.
只需要刮鬍子，頂多修修脖子。
You can play with toys all your life.
活到老都可以玩玩具。
Your belly usually hides you big hips.
小腹總是比屁股大。
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
皮夾和鞋子永遠是同款顏色。
You can wear shorts no matter what how your legs look.
不管腳長怎樣都可以穿短褲。
You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
用小刀就可以修剪指甲。
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
可以自己決定要不要留鬍子。
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
可以在聖誕節前一天花25分鐘買禮物給25個親戚。